Hitting Publish

I never really thought I had any right to blog. I love to write. My minor is in writing. I write a lot as part of my work.

But a blog? I haven’t done anything super spectacular in my life. I haven’t overcome anything life altering. I’m not really an expert on any particular topic. So why would anyone care what I have to write about?

While I’m still not sure of that answer, things sometimes have a funny way of coming together.

I signed up for a certificate at the University of Toronto that required us to create and maintain a blog. All of a sudden, I had an “excuse” to blog.

Meanwhile, I’m dangerously close to my 30th birthday, and evaluating where I am and where I’m going. What have I done with my life so far? What’s holding me back? Fear. Vulnerability. The possibility of failure. The love of all things comfortable.

What if, in my 30’s, I embraced vulnerability? What if I made choices where I might not succeed in the end? What if I got a little uncomfortable? What might happen?

And that’s how we got to where we are right now. An excuse to blog and a pre-midlife crisis. My mission to choose butterflies and hold myself accountable through writing about it. Which means I’ve actually gotta do this thing.

I wrote the first entry and then rewrote it a million times. It wasn’t perfect. And what if someone thought I was a loser because I don’t like roller coasters? What if someone misunderstood what I was trying to say? What if someone thought they could say it better? What if, heaven forbid, there was a typo?

But I had to shut those voices out. Because those “what ifs” are reality. They happen. Even the typos. And you can’t let reality stop you from living.

Photo credit: Cognety's, Creative Commons

Photo credit: Cognety’s, Creative Commons

I had to hit publish. I had to trust that the reward for being vulnerable, for sharing my journey, my heart, would outweigh the “what ifs” that are going to happen.

And you know what? So far, they do. I’ve been overwhelmed by support. I’ve even had a few people tell me I inspired them to choose butterflies. That’s seriously cool.

There will be people who judge me or disagree. And that’s gonna feel pretty crappy. And a few times, that fear almost made me stop, change my mind, and write about something safe. But that’s not choosing butterflies.

“Fear would have told the Wright brothers not to fly. Fear would have told Rosa Parks to change seats. Fear would have told Steve Jobs that people hate touchscreens.” – Jon Acuff, Start

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