Fear and laziness

I haven’t written lately.

Actually, that’s a lie. I’ve written a little bit. But I haven’t posted anything. It wasn’t good enough. It might offend someone. It might be interpreted in a way I didn’t mean. Someone might argue with me, and I won’t be able to defend myself.

I’ve read some really powerful things lately. Books and stories that have left me raw. And I think, “I’m not as good as them. Should I even bother?”

I guess I’m afraid.

Writers talk a lot about fear. About the fears I listed above. And how overcoming those are the biggest struggle.

I think about fear a lot. I’ll be the first one to tell a friend that fear is trying to hold them back. That fear is a way to stop really big things from happening. That we can’t give in to fear, that we have to overcome it. All the cliché things.

But here I am, letting fear win. Letting fear hold me back, letting it get in the way of potentially really big things. Or small things. I’m giving in to fear.

Because fear would rather I binge watch another episode of Parenthood. Or that I go to bed early and sleep as late as I can. Or that I watch YouTube videos in the 20 minutes I have to spare, rather than writing for those precious minutes.

I think fear sometimes manifests as laziness. Laziness is comfortable and mind-numbing. It can be easy to justify and hard to come out from under. Once you’ve settled into lazy, it’s hard to leave. All things fear loves.

So I’m going to try and stop fear from stopping me. I’m going to write (and post) things that are hard to write (and post). I’m going to let amazing writing inspire me, instead of intimidate me. It still might be slow to come, and it still might not be the best writing, but it’ll be out there. It’ll be better than fear.

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