Choosing Butterflies

90 days later

Posted on June 3, 2014 by lindsturner

It’s been 90 days since I went to Storyline in San Diego. About 88 days ago, I wrote a blog post to read today – three months after the conference. I wanted to remind myself of what I felt leaving Storyline, of what stood out and what I wanted to remember.

I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear those words today.

I thought I might feel guilty as read those ambitious words. Shouldn’t I be changing the world by now?

But what I actually felt as I read it? Encouragement. Especially at this part:

Creating a meaningful life takes a lot of work, and the work takes time.

Slowly, I’ve been working on my story. Plugging away through the Storyline workbook, reading blogs of those that inspire me daily, reading other books on dreaming and hustling and starting and making life count. I’ve been blogging regularly, journaling personally and praying often. I’ve been running and exercising and cooking healthy meals (and unhealthy ones sometimes too).

Yet I don’t feel like my output has changed too much. Looking in from the outside, I’m still where I was before Storyline.

But that one line I wrote about 90 days ago lifts the guilt off my shoulders. Transformation happens slowly, and it happens from the inside out. You’ve got to work on changing the inside before the outside looks any different.

So right now, the big themes of my life are patience, persistence and faithfulness…probably three of the least exciting themes that exist, but it’s where we are.

I need to practice patience…I’m not good at patient. I like things to happen on MY timelines (which generally means ‘right now’). Maybe one day I’ll learn that they never do. I’m working on that.

I need to be persistent. I need to keep writing, reading, praying, searching. Even when it feels like nothing is happening.

I need to remain faithful. I need to trust that God is working with me through this, and that His timing is perfect.

Patience, persistence and faithfulness. None of those are fun in the moment. But I’ve got to believe they’re worth it.

Posted in Inspiration | Tagged Donald Miller, faithfulness, patience, persistence, Storyline, transformation | 2 Comments

Choosing to be a cheerleader

Posted on May 28, 2014 by lindsturner

In just a matter of weeks, a few close friends told me about some major changes in their lives. Some major butterfly choosing going on.

I get totally jazzed when people choose butterflies. It makes me “squeal happy” and I feel my heart exploding a little bit.

But many times, choosing butterflies has a ripple effect on those that aren’t choosing butterflies. In these close friends’ situations, I’m ripple effected (is that a phrase?) and it’s sad. I’m going to have to find a new rhythm as things change that I have no control over.

Yet, this isn’t about me. For the little bit that things are going to change for me, everything is changing for them. And that’s exhilarating and scary.

So right now, choosing butterflies means cheering them on. And sometimes that’s a hard kind of butterfly to choose, but it is just that – a choice.

I can be sad and discouraged. I can wonder why all these amazing things happen to them and not me. I can try to convince them to stay put, to stop changing.

Photo credit: Mike Morbeck, Creative Commons

Or I can be a cheerleader. I can encourage and support them in practical ways. I can listen to their excitement and fears and tell them I’m proud of them. I can realize this is not about me. It’s about them. They’re the focus.

Sure, it’s sad. In any change, the first step is mourning what was. But don’t let the sadness take over. Let it be a part of the change experience, not all of it.

Because when someone chooses butterflies, they need cheerleaders. And sometimes that means taking a deep breath, putting your own sadness aside in that moment, and saying, “This is amazing! You are going to do so well! How can I help?”

Posted in Support | Tagged change, cheerleader, other-centeredness, support | 3 Comments

Mind. Blown.

Posted on May 23, 2014 by lindsturner

There will be moments – big moments – in life when you realize that you’re in over your head. But those are precisely the moments where you do not pack your bags and go home.

No. Those are the moments when you dig in your heels, the moments when you fight to stay in the game. Break the established rules and create your own set of rules. The worst thing that could happen is that you fail. And, well, at this point, there is already a strong chance of failure. So why not break the rules and have some fun while you are at it? Chances are, the new rules you are creating are more likely to deliver you victory in that moment than if you didn’t try at all. – Carlos Whittaker, Moment Makers

Brilliant. Challenging. Not what I want to hear, but what I need to remember.

Thanks LosWhit.

Moment Makers by Carlos Whittaker

Posted in Inspiration | Tagged Carlos Whittaker, failure, loswhit, Moment Makers, perserverence | 1 Comment

#Fitbyfourth – let’s talk accountability

Posted on May 19, 2014 by lindsturner

I’ve recently discovered Carlos Whittaker (or loswhit). I know, I know…what took me so long? But seriously, I’m digging this guy.

I’m about two-thirds through his book Moment Maker and it’s rocking my world.

And last week, I signed up for his #FitbyFourth challenge, which is a 7-week journey to “get our sexy back” – AKA it’s sort of a fitness program, but I don’t think we’re actually allowed to say that for legal reasons.

But it’s designed for lazy people, which is my kind of fitness program.

He also uses terms like “hashtag yo junk” and includes photos of Spiderman thermoses and Richard Simmons. That kind of randomness is also my kind of fitness program.

Los (we tweeted back and forth once, so I think I can call him that now) asked us to write down three things we’ve done this year that we’re proud of and how we accomplished them. For me, a big part of that was accountability and this blog.

Accountability. Probably my least favourite word. But here we go.

I’m going to commit to this program. I’m going to try and move more and eat healthier, and write down my journey. But not all on my blog, I’ll spare you that. Maybe just a few progress reports. For accountability purposes. (*shudder*)

PS. The “fourth” in #FitbyFourth refers to July 4, Independence Day. Being a proud Canadian, I want to call it #fitbyfirstplus3days (as Canada Day is July 1), but that’s not an effective use of hashtags. However, the stubbornly proud Canadian in me couldn’t let that go without the disclaimer.

Posted in Fitness | Tagged Canadian, Carlos Whittaker, exercise, fitbyfourth, fitness, healthy eating, loswhit | 2 Comments

Seemingly Insignificant Choices

Posted on May 13, 2014 by lindsturner

When I was in NYC a few weeks ago, I saw a new Broadway musical called If/Then starring Idina Menzel (yes, the same woman who sings ‘Let It Go’).

I’ve loved Idina for close to 10 years. This is the second time I’ve seen her perform live, and the first time on Broadway. She was incredible. I didn’t know it was possible to cry because of the power of a voice alone. Apparently, it is.

If/Then. Photo credit: Broadway.com

But on top of her crazy amazing performance, the show itself was brilliant and original. I’ve never seen anything like it before.

Here’s the concept. Elizabeth (played by Menzel) moves back to NYC to start her life over. She has to make a seemingly insignificant choice at the beginning of the show. Does she go to a concert with one friend, or a protest with another friend? The rest of the musical follows her along both paths. Unlike real life, we get to see the two ways her life turns out, based on that one decision.

Is your mind blown yet? Because mine was.

And I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

My blog is about choosing the option that gives you butterflies. But what about choices that don’t involve butterflies, choices we may every day? How do those choices impact our lives?

If/Then has partnered with Mashable to create “If/Then Stories”. According to their website, “An If/Then Story is a pivotal moment in your life guided by a seemingly insignificant decision or random act of fate that changes you.” On the site, fans can submit their If/Then Stories. The stories are really cool and showcase how choices (or random acts of fate…another blog post for another time), large or small, make up our whole lives.

I’m crazy indecisive and the fact that each tiny choice we make can alter our lives is overwhelming. In fact, it makes me want to stop making choices all together. But, really, not making choices is a choice.

So because I’m indecisive, whenever I make a choice I want to know all the options and be able to predict all the outcomes. And do you know what’s impossible to do? Know all the options and predict all the outcomes.

But really, who’s to say life would be better or worse depending on the choices we make? Well, within reason of course. If I choose to rob a bank, I can say with some certainty that my life will be worse than if I don’t rob a bank. Okay, and if I keep trying to choose butterflies, I think my life will be better than if I don’t.

But I’m talking about those small, seemingly insignificant choices, the ones that aren’t butterfly-inducing…go with this friend or that friend, eat at this restaurant or that restaurant, take the scenic route or the fast way. Who’s to say life is better/worse depending on those choices?

And that’s the thing with Elizabeth in If/Then. One path wasn’t any better or worse than the other. She experienced joys and heartbreaks in both plots.

I think I make the right choice, simply because it’s the choice I made. That’s not to say I always make good choices. Trust me, I don’t. But when I make a bad choice, I learn. And it helps define my path, my character, and my future decisions. So simply because I made a choice, makes it the right choice.

Thinking of it this way helps me to be more decisive and make choices without “what if” regrets. I do as much research as is appropriate, and then try to walk confidently in the direction I chose.

Now my head is spinning…I think I need to lie down…

Posted in Travel | Tagged Broadway, choices, Fate, Idina Menzel, If/Then, NYC | 4 Comments

The girl with the yellow paint

Posted on May 6, 2014 by lindsturner

When we were in NYC last weekend, we decided to try and find the Friends building. Thanks to Google, we did.

Tourist shot of the Friends exterior.

As we were being total tourists and taking photos (like the one I took above), a girl comes up behind us.

“Is this the building from Friends?”

We turn around to tell her it is. Her hair is in a messy ponytail and she has yellow paint framing her face and down her neck. She pulls out her earbuds.

“I wondered if it was. I just moved here and I always see people taking pictures of this building, you know?”

“Oh that’s great,” we smile and start to put our phones/cameras away, getting ready to move on to the next stop on our self-guided tour of 90’s TV show exterior shots (we did other cool NYC stuff too, I promise). She didn’t take the cue…

[Please now imagine that every other word in the monologue below is a curse word. I’m far too kind/scared/goodie-two-shoes to write what actually came out of her mouth]

“Yeah. I lived in San Fransico, but before that I lived on the east coast. But then I got my MBA and couldn’t find a job out there because it wasn’t, like, a top tier school, you know? So I decided ‘to hell with it’ and I just packed up my life and moved here. Because I want to get into corporate social responsibility and this is where all those jobs are, like with big corporations, you know?

“That was back in the winter. It was really cold. Do you know how hard it is for a California girl to move to NYC when the weather was like that? Anyway, I went on a few interviews, but I think I was too polite, you know? I think it was because I was in California for so long. Because when I moved to California, people said I was too ‘east coast’, you know? But I guess I lost that over there, so now I’m trying to be all ‘east coast’ again.

“But it’s impossible to get a job here, you know? There are like thousands of applicants for one role. And it’s expensive to live here. Like man. My rent is $1750 a month for a ROOM. Just one room.

“But this is what I want to do. And to do it, I had to just pick up my life and move. I don’t even really know anyone here. It’s hard, you know? But yeah, I had to take the chance. I just had to.”

I’m not sure who this girl is and why she felt the need to tell us her life story without us asking, but man, that girl is choosing butterflies, you know?

PS. I have no idea why she had yellow paint on her. This may bug me for the rest of my life.

Posted in Travel | Tagged friends, Greenwich Village, NYC | 2 Comments

One more sleep…

Posted on April 30, 2014 by lindsturner

14 months ago, I learned Idina Menzel was starring in a brand new original Broadway production called If/Then, set to open spring 2014.

10 months ago, I learned Kristin Chenoweth would be doing a concert at Carnegie Hall on May 3 – the same time If/Then was running.

10 months ago minus one day, my friend Kerri said “I’m in!”

10 months ago minus one week, my cousin and another friend Carey said “we’re in too!”

9 months ago I learned that Anthony Rapp would also be starring in If/Then. For those that aren’t major theatre nerds like me, Rapp and Menzel were in the original Broadway production of Rent and the 2006 movie adaptation.

8 months ago, we bought tickets to see Kristin.

6 months ago, we bought tickets to If/Then.

4 months ago, we got our plane tickets.

Tomorrow, we leave for an epic NYC adventure.

I cannot wait.

NYC-themed magnetic poetry. A gift from my NYC-soulmate Lyndsay (we’ve been 5 times together, once for less than 20 hours)

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

AS FAST. AS THE BOAT. CAN GO!

Posted on April 22, 2014 by lindsturner

Austin, my seven year-old cousin, is a pretty awesome little guy. He’s silly with the very best giggle. He’s clever, he does math without realizing it’s math. He’s determined, just watch him navigate the “one more book” bedtime negotiation. And he’s brave.

But he doesn’t really know he’s brave.

Photo credit: Karan Jain, Creative Commons

A few years ago, I suggested he try tubing. He told me a flat-out no.

“Let’s just play on the tube,” I suggested. So we did.

“Let’s just tie the tube to the boat.” And we did.

“Let’s just see what it feels like to be pulled really slowly by the boat.” And it felt pretty fun.

I told him he got to decide the speed. He’d say faster/slower/stop, and I’d give his dad the sign.

With each “faster”, he got braver and braver. And we went faster and faster.

“FASTER!” yelled Austin. But I stopped giving the faster sign. I knew what would happen if he let go at this speed. It’d hurt like hell. He didn’t know the consequence, he only knew how awesome it felt in the moment.

Frustrated with me for not giving the “faster” sign, he yelled with all he had:

“AS FAST. AS THE BOAT. CAN GO!”

Fast forward a few years to this past Easter. After dinner, Austin and I headed over to the park near his gran’s house with his scooter. We spent almost an hour timing how fast he could scoot around the splash pad.

“It took me 10 seconds to do one lap, so it’ll probably take me one minute to do six laps. Can you time me to see?”

Just Austin, doing math without realizing it’s math.

Austin gave it his everything. After about the fourth lap, I asked if he was dizzy.

“I think I am!” He giggled and just kept going.

“Are you okay? Be careful.” I said. I knew what would happen if he fell. He either didn’t know or didn’t care. What he was doing was too fun.

Consequences are interesting. And important, obviously. I know that if I touch a hot stove, I’ll burn my hand. I know if I’m late for work every day, I’ll lose my job.

But sometimes we’re too focused on the consequences, we don’t leave room to consider the excitement that we’d miss out on.

Yes, it would’ve hurt if we’d fallen off the tube. We’d likely get water up our nose and it’d be a bit scary. But I would’ve never forgotten laughing-to-the-point-of-not-breathing as he screamed “AS FAST. AS THE BOAT. CAN GO!”

Yes, Austin could’ve fallen going so fast around the splash pad. There’d be tears and we’d need Band-Aids, but he’d always remember how he went around the splash pad six times in 59.45 seconds.

Sometimes potential consequences should stop us from doing something. But other times, they shouldn’t. The trick is weighing the consequences to the experiences. The benefits of going “AS FAST. AS THE BOAT. CAN GO!” go outweigh some water in our noses…if it even happens.

Posted in Childhood | Tagged children, consequences, tubing | 3 Comments

Starts

Posted on April 18, 2014 by lindsturner

I’ve been thinking about “starts” a lot lately.

For the first 25 or so years of our life, we have to start things. Start school, start university/college, start a part-time job, start a “grown up” job. We’re more or less forced to start these things. We don’t even really see it as a big deal, it’s just growing up. They’re natural starts.

Photo credit: Andrew Hecker, Creative Commons

But what happens after you’ve grown up? When we’re not necessarily forced to start anything? When starts are no longer natural, they need to be intentional starts? When there isn’t a guaranteed or known outcome on the other side? How do you even begin to start?

It’s a tough transition to go from natural starts to intentional starts. There’s a lot more discomfort, risk, doubt and vulnerability with intentional starts.

If I go back to school, that means I won’t have as much disposable income or time. It will be much harder to pay bills. I might even fail.

If I start a new job, it might be hard. My coworkers might not like me. I might not like the job.

If I start a relationship, I could get really hurt. I would also have to consider someone else’s time, feelings and priorities, instead of just my own.

And while those discomforts, risks, doubts and vulnerabilities are (or at least feel) very real, so are the rewards. The satisfaction, sense of accomplishment, love and growth; these things are immeasurably more powerful.

So what if our natural starts prepare us for intentional starts? What if we can look back on our natural starts and realize the emotions and rewards that came along with them? That yes, they were crazy scary and hard, but we were better off for them.

It’s easy to stop starting things after we don’t have to anymore. But it’s also boring.

Posted in Inspiration | Tagged start, vulnerability | 4 Comments

An introverted extrovert

Posted on April 9, 2014 by lindsturner

I’m an introverted extrovert. Or maybe an extroverted introvert. I’m not sure. But I’m pretty sure I sit directly on the line between the two.

For example, I get energized spending time with people I love. But at the same time, I get crazy anxiety at the thought of walking into a room full of strangers. No seriously. The thought alone makes me queasy.

Being a Communicator, I find myself at plenty of events that involve networking. We love networking. I try to pretend to like it, but every time I feel like a giant spotlight is on me as I awkwardly hover, trying to join conversations.

This past week, I had two social events to attend where I didn’t really know people. In both cases, I came close to chickening out. All of a sudden, I wasn’t feeling well. I was tired. I had a long day. It would be easier to just go home.

But then the “choosing butterflies” mantra played in my head. And I begrudgingly walked through the door, smiled, and pretended to look less awkward than I felt.

And both times, everything was fine. In fact, I enjoyed myself. I had some great conversations, discovered some mutual connections, and heard some fascinating stories. All things I love and would’ve missed out on.

So here are some things I’ve found useful in going from anxiety spiral to enjoyment in these social settings.

Arrive early. It’s a lot less intimidating to walk into a room with a few strangers compared to a room full of them.
Put your phone away. This is the hardest one for me. My phone is an adult security blanket. But no one wants to interrupt someone who is typing on a phone.
Find a friend. There’s probably another person who doesn’t know anyone either. If they make eye contact, smile and say hi. They’ll be grateful that you did.
Remember that everyone else in the room didn’t know each other at some point. There is always an extrovert out there who will invite you into their conversation. And if you are that extrovert, invite that hoverer into your conversation. They will be so thankful!
Worst case scenario – it’s only a few hours of your life. You will get through it.

Are you introverted or extroverted? How do you handle networking like this?